School Play Group :(

Thomas and daddy go to a play group for autistic toddlers/preschoolers once a week (only every other week during the summer). It’s offered through the school district and is part of his IEP required therapy. I’ve never been able to go to these sessions because I worked so far away, but since I transferred offices a couple weeks ago, I was able to go to my first one last night. It was like a huge slap in the face. They had a larger group than normal yesterday so maybe it was the fact that there was more going on around him. I have always thought that Thomas was on the mild side of the autism spectrum. But comparing him to the other kids yesterday, I don’t think he can be considered mild anymore. He’s made a lot of progress in the last six months. His therapists and the daycare teachers have all been making a point of telling me that, but he isn’t in the same league as the other kids. They followed directions (with a lot of prompting and modeling) and enjoyed the activities. I still don’t feel like Thomas even hears the directions being given, much less understand directions. Modeling is doesn’t really work because he doesn’t stay still long enough to see what you are doing. Every time I tried to get him to join the activities he started crying. And not just a fussing cry, an all out “I’m sad” cry with tears streaming down his cheeks. Maybe he was just having an off day. I just want him to succeed. But he’s so far behind the other kids. And yes, I know you are not supposed to compare to other children, lets get serious, we all do it. I guess I have known that he is behind other kids. I don’t know why, but I felt better that he was doing better than a lot of the other kids on the spectrum. That sounds horrible. I’m just scared for him. I just want him to be happy. I want him to have all the opportunities he can have in life. And maybe I’m not pushing him hard enough. Maybe I need to get more therapy going. I only have him on the waiting list at one place. Maybe I should still be looking at more places. I’m not as patient as I should be. I take the easy way a lot and give in to what he wants. When he doesn’t eat what I make him, I’m afraid of him going hungry so I give in and give him something I know he will like. I probably shouldn’t do that.

I just thought he was doing so well and last night I just literally felt like I had been slapped. I don’t know how best to coach him to do what the group is doing. Every time I tried, I made things worse. But I can’t just let him do his own thing and let him play on the side by himself while the other kids are participating in an activity. I just feel helpless right now. I just need to regroup I guess.

He doesn't have a lot of the sensory issues that the other kids seem to have and in small groups he is like a different kid. I hope it was just a bad day. I hate autism.